Table of Contents: The Big Bike Accident - September 1, 2004

I'd already been thinking about setting up a Living Will before my accident, and now I really wanted to prepare one. I'd done just a little bit of research into it, and although it's relatively easy from a legal standpoint, it seemed like one needed to do some research about just what to say in the living will before plunging ahead.

At first I'd resolved that I wouldn't road bike alone without having one in place. But I am pretty slow about getting things like a living will going, and my biking lust didn't last that long. But at least I did some research and got a bunch of documents printed out. I'd read some articles, and the forms made more sense since I'd read the articles.

The forms looked like they might actually have enough in them for me to just follow the directions and select a few options. After that, it would be as simple as having a few people witness some signatures, and making sure that the right people had copies of the documents.

But aside from the living will, the accident had turned my thoughts to what I might have done or would do if I were to wind up in a wheelchair for life, either paralyzed, or in some other state that would prevent me from maintaining my active outdoor lifestyle. This was a frightening thought, and in my initial thinking after the accident, I didn't think that I could tolerate such a condition.

Strangely enough, at the YMCA, I met a man named Alex who'd been in a coma for three months, and after nine years, was still working on regaining normalcy in his physical fitness. He'd been 22 when he and some friends had been hit hard by another car. The other people in the car had died instantly.

His doctor had told his mother that her son would probably die, but that if he lived, he would never walk or talk again. Here he was, living proof that the doctor was wrong on all counts. This was encouraging. On the other hand, he had some difficulty speaking, and his body was still not normal, strength-wise. This was discouraging, given that it was nine years later.

As I learned more about Alex, I found out that he does nothing but work on his strength, get therapy, and "hang out". I don't know why he apparently does not work. But it was scary to me that it had taken him so long and so much hard work just to get to the point he is at today. Could I bear something like that?

I thought about this matter more over the next couple of weeks. With some help, I was able to take a more positive attitude towards such a possibility. The strength I'd shown during this accident suggested that I had a lot of strength to bring to bear in a much worse situation. I am also aware that the human desire for survival is enormous. People do not want to die unless life is truly unbearable.

I also began to realize that many small things make me happy. An hour or two of being outside in the sunshine can make my day. Being near a river can make me very happy. Being outside in the spring, summer, and fall makes me happy. I even enjoy going for walks in the woods in the winter time. Books make me happy. As does food and being around friends.

I think that as long as my life is fundamentally stable, these little things can mean a lot if they are available frequently. The key in a truly disastrous accident would be attain a state of stability, and to work from there. Hopefully, it'll never be necessary. But I think that as long as I continue with an inherently dangerous sport, I have to be mentally prepared to handle another accident, whether or not it ever happens.

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Table of Contents: The Big Bike Accident - September 1, 2004